Dear friends,
Let me say how incredible your support and kind words have been. To be honest, I’ve had plenty of moments of trepidation about what I am about to do. How straightforward it would be, to remain in my comfortable Chicago apartment, keep my jobs, rest easy in the friendships and communities I had formed. Stepping back, though, I knew in my heart this was the path I needed to take.
It’s funny, how at times you can feel so energized, so full of life, yet find yourself entirely divorced from these experiences hours, weeks, months later. I once lamented the distance that would inevitably accumulate between myself and the occasions when I felt fully awake, when I knew everything in my world was running its true and proper course. After the dew of such moments had settled and evaporated, I would often question the “realness” of the seemingly unshakable confidence and faith I’d held. What I failed to understand, back then, was that instead of impossibly gasping onto imaginings of the past, I had the power to integrate these experiences in present and meaningful ways. Today, I fill in “gaps” by translating powerful situations into creative mediums I can return to later – not in the service of attachment, but to remind myself that I have the potential to continue along this path in an infinite number of unique directions, if I so choose.
So, what I mean to say is: thank you for inspiring me.
The following are some words I wrote two months ago, en-route back to Chicago. Knowing I would return to Chaing Mai soon, I jotted these down as a reminder to myself:
“After 64 hours of travel, including layovers, I finally feel a sense of refreshment. Partially due to a brief, but loving sendoff by [my boyfriend] Ryan, partially due to the readjustment of my stomach to American food (Starbucks oatmeal and coffee, anyone?), and partially because, in conversation with the man next to me on the plane, I was able to reaffirm my reasons for returning to Chiang Mai. This world is beautiful, but it does not need to be hurting, as a work supervisor once poetically stated. Today, as during all of my days in this body, as I have learned, suffered, and loved, I embark on a journey to aid in the healing of this Universe…”
And now, friends, it’s finally time to return.
With gratitude,
Ashley
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